Joeyblueskies

Someone Get Me This Chicks Name. We Need to be Facebook Friends

2012-02-12T23:39:00.002-05:00

I knew the Wings were gonna win their 20th in a row at home against the Flyers tonight the second I saw this smoke skate out and scoop up that octopus raw dog. Cause if there is anything we all know it's that hot chicks love winners, not losers from Philly. Straight science.PS - BMase needs to get the hell outta my head. Literally sent me this pic two seconds later.

I'm Pretty Sure Cyndi Lauper is Benjamin Button

2012-02-12T21:56:00.003-05:00

I think this chick is straight aging in reverse cause this just doesn't make any fuckin sense. There's no chance I lay a finger on 1984 Cyndi Lauper but somehow 28 years later I wanna give her a money shot more than life itself. Weird.

Maize Rage Might Be the Most Homely Student Section in all of College Basketball

2012-02-12T19:37:00.003-05:00

I dare anyone, man or woman, to find a single fuckable person in the entire Maize Rage. Just take a look at this picture, it's like a Where's Waldo book. I mean there's that one bitch in the upper right corner with the low cut shirt who some desperado might put it in after a night at Rick's but I'm guessing she's probably the only person in this entire section that's even had sex before.

Alert the Press: Wabash College Over the Shoulder Shot Goes Down vs Kenyon College

2012-02-12T18:51:00.009-05:00

I've got two observations. First off, I was at a middle school basketball game in Denver today and there were seriously more fans in attendance. I don't really care if you're a D-III school you gotta represent way harder than this. I mean my high school football team had more fans downstate this year than the Kenyon/Wabash crowd combined. Side note - I'm hard looking at that powerhouse backfield.

And two, as a coach you have to hate this shot selection. Don't care if the shot clock is running down you still have to pivot and square your shoulders. Maybe that's just me, but I'm all about fundamentals. Probably would've thrown a fire extinguisher at this kid's head in the locker room.

Karl Ravech Tweets Cabrera Has Dropped 25 Pounds

2012-02-11T17:16:00.005-05:00

(@karlravechespn)
Alex Avila joins bbtn at 330et says he's working out with Cabrera and that Cabrera has lost 25 pounds and is excited about moving to 3rd

Joeyblueskies.com photographers were fortunate enough to capture this shot of him playing some winter ball in Venezuela last week. Dude looks lean.

Homer Gets Sled from Teammates for 1000th NHL Game

2012-02-11T14:24:00.005-05:00

Great gesture by the classiest group of athletes in all of sports. One question though, why a Ski-Doo? Always saw Homer as more of a Polaris man. A Ski-Doo is more of something you'd get this flamer.

Anybody Got $4500 I Can Borrow to Buy this Incredible Hulk Caprice?

2012-02-10T23:27:00.005-05:00

I saw this Incredible Hulk themed Caprice in a McDonalds parking lot yesterday and almost came in my pants, again. Cause yeah, like I said, I was in a McDonalds parking lot and had obviously already came once.

PS - Apparently turning into the Hulk is considered a handicap.

Wings Beat Edmonton 4-2 on Way to 18th Straight Home Win

2012-02-09T20:00:00.008-05:00

Last night the Wings took down the Oilers and an absolutely red hot Sammy Gagner by a final of 4-2. The win extended the Wings' home win streak to a franchise record 18 games, only 2 short of the NHL record. The bad news is I don't really see this domination at The Joe translating into a huge advantage come playoff time. Here's the main reasons why...

1 - During the Home Winning Streak We've Beat Several Non Playoff Teams

Over the course of the regular season some real shit shows have rolled into The Joe. I mean, I understand that you can't expect every team to make 20 straight playoff appearances but beating the likes of Edmonton doesn't equate to much of anything in my book. When push comes to shove, the fact of the matter is that every playoff team will have at least one decent aspect to their game. Whether it be a powerplay that can put up points, a physical game focused on derailing the talented attack of the Wings, or a tender on straight fucking fire, each team will have something that it brings to the table and there aren't gonna be any off nights at home or on the road during the playoffs.

2 - A Shit Ton of Our Home Wins Came in a Shootout or during the 5 minute, 4 on 4 Overtime

With the overtime rules being different in the playoffs the Wings lose what is a major advantage for them during the regular season. Come April, long gone are the days of the 4 on 4 overtime period and the shootout, which the skilled, puck control game of Detroit has used to their benefit while building this win streak. Don't get me wrong, I still like the Wings' experience to come out in big moments but during the playoffs I think their biggest advantage is a steady attack over the course of 3 regulation periods, not during an infinite overtime where one mistake can end things in a matter of seconds.

Two of the best from this season.

I wish I could fuckin bathe in that Bertuzzi spin-o-rama.

3 - Last Year the Wings Were Way Better on the Road Than at Home (64% vs 50%)

Despite this amazing win streak I still can't say I'm any more confident in their ability to win at home than I was in their ability to on the road last year. And as great as this run has been there hasn't been a tangible change in the environment at The Joe from a year ago when we were merely mediocre. It's hockey, and in the grand scheme of things rinks aren't all that much different from one another. Yeah, the crowd might get a little rowdier during a run like this and there is always something to be said about the springy boards in Joe Louis but it's not like the Packers playing at Lambeau where the weather is a constant factor or the Twins playing in the Metrodome where their speed and small ball mentality gives them a distinct advantage over 90% of teams. And despite Detroit's grand tradition of kicking nonstop ass and all the success they've had at home this year, you have to understand that it's still the same barn that they went .500 in last year.

Budweiser Goes All Out For Beer League Hockey Teams

2012-02-07T21:20:00.002-05:00

I wanna know how many of these dudes didn't go home to their wives? Bottom line is Bud Heavy + puck sluts = adultery. Greatest night in the history of pond rockets everywhere.

Verlander Lands Cover of MLB 2k12

2012-02-07T14:54:00.005-05:00

Great commercial but probably the worst promotional idea in the history of ideas. I mean who the fuck plays video games to rack up quality starts and throw complete games? Fuckin nobody, that's who. It's the reason when you played RBI Baseball 2 as a kid you weren't allowed to throw anything but a fastball from the middle of the rubber. There was basically an unwritten rule that you got one "accidental" junk pitch over the course of the game and if it happened twice your opponent got to throw a haymaker at your dome, no questions asked. And the reason for that unwritten rule is cause pitching is flat out the worst part of any baseball video game. Keep your million dollar grand prize 2k12. JBS likes the long ball.

Chris Brown Beating Miami Like Rihanna

2012-02-06T23:28:00.009-05:00

Since ESPN treats college hockey like the red headed stepchild I thought I'd post this. Probably the filthiest college goal you never would've seen all year. Fuckin love Chris Brown too. Busting out the "Are you not entertained?" move was showtime as shit.

PS - Was gonna tell you to watch this on mute but the dude's commentary might actually be better than the goal. I'm gonna copyright-fuck the shit outta that "move over Mario" line.

Decrapticons Preparing to Take Over the World. And I Want In

2012-02-06T22:37:00.004-05:00

Huffingtonpost.com - Today's robots that fly, jump or roll around must refuel or recharge as does any gadget that runs out of energy. Tomorrow's new generation of self-sustaining robots might keep going nearly forever by grazing on dead insects, rotting plant matter or even human waste...one British lab has already been building on the work of robotics pioneers to create small "EcoBots" that extract energy from leaves and soil in the forest, or even human waste such as urine and feces...it performs the task we design it to do, and at the end of the day, it gets rid of its own waste. It literally craps into its own 'litter' tray.

Well, it's about god damn time if you ask me. As a society we've got the capability to clone sheep, transplant organs, and send wireless HD porn streaming through the air, but for some reason robots running on poop has eluded us for so long.

But now that technology has finally caught up to the American dream of running your toaster solely on your own feces, I'm ready to cash in. This shit, no pun intended, is gonna be the most ridiculously easy money I've ever made. I could seriously run a hedge fund from the shitter at JBS Headquarters and I think it's time I start living my life like a sultan sitting on a hundred Kuwaiti oil fields.

First order of business, build one of those massive mechanical bodies like Krang from the Ninja Turtles and have it tote my huge ass brain around. And of course, It will run entirely on the mini shits that my brain takes.

Now that I've addressed transportation and security issues all that's left is to hire myself a personal assistant. I've already texted Dustin Diamond and asked him to start dusting off Kevin and get going on the conversion process so that he'll run on adorable little Lisa Turtle shits. Done and done.

But I could seriously go on all day. The thing is I really gotta go make a pretty large deposit if you know what I mean. Lady Friend made Mexican tonight and I'm hoping to produce enough inventory to run the JoeyBlueSkies server for a week.

PS - Yeah, I know, poop jokes. What can I tell ya, shit sells.

Imported From Detroit Superbowl Commercial

2012-02-05T20:50:00.005-05:00

Uhhh, lame. Where the fuck was Suh?

Kid Got Played

2012-02-05T03:02:00.004-05:00

(Herald) – As if we didn’t know, even with all the festivities, this is a business. And we just got another reminder. A mere 24 hours before the Super Bowl, the Patriots made their final transaction in a year full of them. In one of the coldest moves ever, the Patriots released WR Tiquan Underwood and promoted DE Alex Silvestro. This all but guarantees that WR Chad Ochocinco will be active. And while you have to feel for Underwood, who must be devastated, he will almost certainly get a ring if they win the Super Bowl. I am told there were not disciplinary reasons for the move. Underwood did not do anything wrong, and I expect him to be back next year. But perhaps they wanted another defensive linemen on the field.

I bet when Belichick delivered the news to Tiquan he busted out the "I don't give a damn if Marvin Gaye 'gonna be there, you wont!" line from House Party.

Brooks Orpik Freight Trains Daniel Paille

2012-02-05T01:22:00.005-05:00

Man, I had this golden line all loaded in the chamber about how I didn't think Penguins could fly but just as I'm about to post I fuckin realize that Daniel Paille is on the Bruins. Fuckin amateur hour. Sometimes it's such a fine line between stupid and clever.

PS - Is there a bigger bunch of lame duck douchebags in the NHL than the Pittsburgh Penguins? Take a look at their bench after the biggest hit they'll see all year. Fuckin statues.

Pistons Hit A New Low With That Vanilla Ice Halftime Show Tonight

2012-02-04T00:35:00.006-05:00

Despite a win tonight over the Bogutless Bucks it's still glaringly obvious that the Pistons organization is slamming off rock bottom harder than a crawler harness in the Detroit River. Quite the turn of events for a once proud franchise that had made 6 straight Eastern Conference finals as recently as '08 and packed The Palace every time they took the floor. Now Joe D and company are so desperate to put asses in the seats that they're rolling out the red carpet for Rob Van Winkle whose only major accomplishment in the past 20 years was making a Trishelle sandwich with Ron Jeremy on the Surreal Life.

What a total gong show. The NBA could seriously fall off the face of the Earth tomorrow and I wouldn't even notice.

Adios Carlos

2012-02-03T22:22:00.005-05:00

Bleacherreport.com - Former Detroit Tiger Carlos Guillen is returning to Seattle after agreeing to a minor league contract with the Mariners. The 36-year-old spent the past eight seasons in Detroit, where he was a three-time All-Star and hit .308 with the Tigers, playing five positions: leftfield, third base, shortstop, second base and first base. Guillen started his career with the Mariners in 1998-03, playing in 488 games in Seattle. Guillen is likely to compete for a reserve utility role with the Mariners. Seattle announced the deal on February 2nd 2012.

Yesterday brought the inevitable news that long time Tiger and fan favorite Carlos Guillen will no longer be with the squad next year. With his aging legs and constant injuries it was a necessary evil but it still hurts to see Carlos go. The guy has done nothing but deliver for the Tigers over the past 8 years and has done so in grand fashion. Most notably when he fist fucked Jered Weaver into losing his god damn mind.

Flat out stone cold pimpin.

Jimmy Howard Breaks Finger in 3rd Period of 4-3 Win Over Vancouver

2012-02-03T19:36:00.008-05:00

Freep - Howard is out at least the next two games -- Saturday at Edmonton and Monday at Phoenix -- after getting hurt during Thursday's 4-3 shoot-out victory at the Vancouver Canucks. "I happened about four minutes into the third last night," Howard said today. "Went blocker down, took everything away down low, and when (Maxim) Lapierre spun and shot it, it missed my blocker and caught me right on the finger." Howard is to be re-evaluated Tuesday, after the Wings return to Detroit. The Wings recalled Joey MacDonald from the minors to serve as Ty Conklin's backup for the rest of the trip. Howard has been a rock for the Wings all season, going 32-11-1 with a .924 save percentage and 2.03 goals-against average.

Well, it appears that after a bit of a scare late last night Jimmy Howard and his uncircumcised penis of a finger will be just fine. You kinda knew this was the type of injury, that although painful, is something you just play through. But it's really great to actually hear from his mouth that he'll only be out a week or so.

Still, this injury brings to light major concern about the backup tender situation in general. Ty Conklin and his 3.20 GAA offer about as much protection to the Wings' back end as a consistent policy of pulling out and with the trade deadline looming in late February a much more serious injury to Jimmy has to be on Ken Holland's mind. The question becomes does he use a chunk of the bountiful salary cap space the Wings possess to acquire an upgrade at the backup spot or does he focuses all his resources on getting a top notch defenseman or a skilled, physical forward? Either way, I think a move is imminent and I ain't worried cause there isn't a guy in sports I trust more than Ken Holland. The Wings are rolling and Kenny knows how to keep it that way.

Where the hell are my white gloves?

Chick Blames Gigantic Rack for DUI

2012-02-03T17:32:00.008-05:00

Huffingtonpost.com - A Florida woman arrested Sunday for driving under the influence told police that she would have passed a sobriety test -- if not for her "big boobies," according to a Martin County Sheriff's Office report. Marueen Raymond, 49, allegedly drove her grey Toyota Camry over 50 mph through a 35 mph zone near Jenson Beach, swerving over a double yellow line twice before parking her car across two spaces in a nearby Walgreen's lot. Cops responded to the reckless vehicle notice and found Raymond in the driver's seat, reeking of alcohol and slurring her speech, the report explains.

"When I told her we were going to do some roadside tasks she told me that I needed to understand that she is big chested and if I asked her to close her eyes and balance she is not going to balance well," the officer wrote. "She told me 'Big breast you don't balance well.'" Asked if she had any injuries, Raymond told the officer that she had "big breasts" and whiplash, according to the report.

Asked to walk a straight line, Raymond began to dance. "When I told her she had to keep her hands at her side she stated 'hell no, not with these.' Telling me again she can't do it, not with her big boobies," the officer added. The report also explains that Raymond "began to take her clothes off to show me her breast and I stopped her."

How the hell is Huffington Post gonna run this story and not even give us one shot of her tits? It's straight up journalistically irresponsible. You can't come out and tell me she's got melons the size of bowling balls and is dancing all over the street offering to whip them out and then just give me a fricken mug shot.

Now I'm just sitting here twiddling my thumbs trying to picture how big this ugly ass old broad's jugs are. Waste of a fucking day. But seriously, how big we talking you think?

PS - Next time I'm too drunk to stand I'm 100% using the "my balls are too huge" excuse.

How Did I Not Notice Barry in the DIRECTV Celebrity Beach Bowl Last Year?

2012-02-03T13:49:00.008-05:00

This has gotta be some sick, twisted joke right? We go 31-81 over a 7 year span, the worst run in NFL history mind you, and you can't even find the fricken guy. Face of the franchise just up and vanishes like a fart in the wind with nothing more than a fax to the Wichita Eagle saying, "peace bitches, I'm out". And through it all, all the losing, all the unqualified head coaches, all the quarterbacks, all the wideouts, oh fuckin hell the wideouts, not even a whiff of Barry. I kinda just figured he was off on some desert island sipping mai tais with Bobby Fischer, Tupac, and the Easter Bunny.

But oh no. Turns out the son of a bitch has been living in West Bloomfield the entire time. Just sitting back waiting for us to get good again so he can reemerge and lather himself up in all the butter The Schwartz has been baking our cornbread in. Well guess what buddy? Seats fuckin takin'. If anyone's getting back in the door it's gonna be Herman Moore. Dude could probably still play opposite Calvin today. Can't teach 6'4"

PS - I love how he decided to pick the DIRECTV Celebrity Beach Bowl as the vessel for his glorious return. Christ, Eli Manning was his coach and had him playing fucking defense. Greatest running back to ever walk the planet and I honestly don't think he touched the ball one time the entire game. Just sat back and got picked apart by Turtle from Entourage like he was Wes Welker or something.

PSS - Just spent about an hour of my snow day watching the replay of this game so I could get a decent picture of Barry. Probably took a dozen shots and there's not one where he's not creepin on some hottie. Look at him straight spanking that bitch with his eyes.

Is this Guy Who Called in the Bomb Threat When the Lions Went Down by Two Scores Against the Saint the Greatest Lions Fan of All Time?

2012-02-03T13:42:00.002-05:00

FREEP.COM - A Jackson man, who coincidentally shares the name of the New Orleans Saints head coach, admitted to calling in a bomb threat and another hostile phone call to the Superdome during the Lions' loss on Jan. 7, according to the Times-Picayune. Shawn Payton, 34, admitted to an FBI agent on Monday that he indeed made at least two phone calls as the game was getting away from Detroit. When Jimmy Graham scored a touchdown to put the Saints up by 10, a man called the Superdome and said "I will blow your building up," according to an affidavit filed in federal court. About an hour later, another message was left, saying: "Hi, I want ot relay a message to the sideline. If your stupid Southern team keeps winning, there will be reper ... severe consequences. OK?"

The Times-Picayune was able to reach Payton for comment and he said that between his near-fatal car accident three years ago and his custody battle with his daughter's mother in Alabama, he's long-past frustrated. "I don't drink, and I don't do drugs. From time to time, I do get frustrated and go off without meaning it," he said. "I let some words fly out of my mouth, and I sincerely apologize. I will never ever, ever, ever do anything like that again."

Aaaaaand this is exactly why the Lady Friend confiscates my phone prior to kickoff. She straight up knows that if I had been allowed social media capabilities this season I would've threatened to blow up the Metrodome, Jerry's World, Soldier Field, the Superdome, Lambeau Field, and probably even Ford Field a couple of times. I mean this year was fucking straight bonkers if you were a Lions fan. A lot of ins, ya know, a lot of outs, a shit ton of what have yous.

But still, I can't really condone what Shawn did here. I mean I give him bonus points for having the same name as the coach of the team he was threatening to murder, that's a nice touch, but c'mon we all lived through the Millenium. We've all got scars and I can't really bring myself to care that your "wife divorced you and took your kid", or that you were in a "near fatal car accident 3 years ago". And you better just go ahead and get the fuck outta here with the whole "long past frustrated" story cause we all bleed Honolulu Blue my friend. It's like you're that guy trying to steal Costanza's apartment from the tenant board cause he's an Andrea Doria survivor. Cry me a river dude. Like 51 people died. That's it. What do you lose on a normal cruise? 30, 40?

Anygay, if all it takes is a little suffering to get bomb threat immunity then, well, maybe I'll tell you the "Astonishing Tales of JoeyBlueSkies". I mean, my body of work in this field is pretty much unparalleled. Bottom line is, I appreciate the passion, I really do, but for reals Shawn, rope that shit back in. You're making us all look bad. You don't see Packer fans taking headers off the Tower Drive Bridge now do you.

Morning Wood with Hayden Panettiere

2012-02-03T12:20:00.004-05:00

Rise and shine Blueskiers. I know it's been awhile but I've been blessed with a snow day this morning and being the great guy that I am thought I'd throw some smut your way to get you through the day. I'd like you to meet Hayden Panettiere, or as you might remember her, Sherly Yoast from Remember the Titans. Yup, that's right, this well built back porch is that same little girl that knew more about the cover 2 at age 7 than BMOC ever will.

But seriously it's amazing what 12 years can do to a person, eh? She somehow comes outta the cocoon as this kick-fuckin-ass monarch butterfly that the whole world wants to bang and all I've managed to do since then is develop an unshakable Newport habit and gain about 25 pounds. Life can be kinda cruel sometimes. Anyway, drool on.

Crosby Fan Crying - Just like Crosby

2011-12-15T12:14:00.002-05:00

I want kids and I want them now. I had no idea that it was okay to pyschologically break them down for your own enjoyment. And this was just the tip of the iceberg. Imagine the kids reaction when the dad tells him that Sidney is a pussy.

Career Advice w/ BMOC

2011-11-04T14:11:00.004-04:00

Turns out a million beers on Thursday fucks up your Friday #wheresthepukebucket

Career Advice w/ BMOC

2011-10-28T14:38:00.008-04:00

I regret to inform JBS nation, but I did not get the promotion. I appreciate all the fan mail and support that I received over the past 2 weeks. It's clear our audience understands that with great quotes, comes great consequences. But on the bright side, not having any respsonsibilites did free up about 2 hours for me to create this badass Suh desktop doll. Go here for the instructions. All you should need is a scissor and glue.

Next up on my slow climb to the top of the corporate ladder, "Somehow I Manage" by Michael Scott.

Ahhh. Did I Catch a Brain Tumor in There?

2011-10-20T13:04:00.003-04:00

Just heard the reason Jerome Harrison failed his physical was because of a brain tumor? Is this real life?

Game 6 Live Update: Ron Washington Is Humping the Sh*t Outta the Dugout Right Now

2011-10-15T21:53:00.005-04:00

It's been real Tigers, but I'm done. I just can't watch that crack addict hump the railing any more. It seriously felt like he was putting his penis inside of me with each run that crossed the plate.

Thought we might have even caught a break there when Bartman reached out and snatched that sure out away from Hamilton leading to the 2 run jack, but nope. Jackson and Raburn decided to play tummy sticks out in right-center and gave a run back about 10 seconds later. Just not in the cards tonight folks.

Oh shit, here comes Brad Penny. Uncle. Uncle!

Great Minds Think Alike

2011-10-14T20:12:00.005-04:00

Talked with BMOC today about his thoughts on rivalry weekend and to my surprise he's not going the Michigan State slappy route and predicting a 55-10 route by MSU. In fact on the count of 3 we both revealed our final score predictions and I had Michigan 31-30 and he had Michigan 29-28. My main thought is that if the game remains low scoring it favors MSU but I just don't think anyone in the nation can contain Denard to one, if not more big plays. Do I think he'll get away with that jump ball bullshit he pulled against ND and have a miraculous comeback? Hell no, but I think he'll get 3/4 yards per run attempt and then bust one, two, or even possibly three big runs that result in Michigan scores. Plus you have to take into account that Smith or Shaw could do the same. I'm also looking forward to seeing Devin Gardner under center and a few tricky plays that should free Denard up to get the ball in space.

Bottom line is we both agreed this one will be be close and a semi high scoring affair. Great minds think alike even if one of us went to UofM and the other went to Eastern/transferred to MSU. Boom Roasted!

PS - I google searched "House Divided" and this image came up and I almost crapped my pants in anticipation of a Northwestern/MSU love child. This kid is destined to be a genius with a drinking problem. And don't pretend you don't know where the respective genes are coming from.

Career Advice with BMOC

2011-10-13T08:41:00.003-04:00

Lesson: While sports quotes are great and inspiring, they DO NOT work in every situation.

The Situation: Interview with Director of Client Support for Leadership position.

The Quote: "Pride Comes Before the Fall"

I've never seen a guys head snap so fast. You would of thought I said I like to rape little girls. So while my peers were discussing how they can promote synergy, increase their bandwidth, and focus on their core competencies, I'm talking myself in circles and closing with "Pride Comes Before the Fall".

If I get a second interview, they better not ask me how to improve the department. "We don't need no meows, we don't need no cats, we need more dogs" seems like the right answer. I'll let you know how that goes.

MillenBall

2011-10-13T08:32:00.004-04:00

Millenball - watch more funny videos

Hot damn I can't wait to see this in theaters. I heard the scene where Millen and Mornhinweg storm out of practice on their Harley's will send chills down your spine. And that on the bonus features, they have 6 hours worth of footage of Millen cutting his own grass, by hand!

NEWS ALERT: Dom Fathead Available on Ebay

2011-10-12T20:23:00.003-04:00

I thought it my duty to inform everyone that there is currently a Dominic Raiola fathead available on Ebay. It's going for $99 bucks which is about $98 bucks more than it's worth but still, the fact Harrington hasn't bought up every one of these in existence is shocking.

My only complaint is that this fathead should've been from the ass end so I could practice taking snaps from him all day.

I Just Got the Ole "My Dog Ate My Gym Shorts Excuse". Classic

2011-10-12T19:49:00.005-04:00

This kid Kye showed up the other day with possibly the most ballsy excuse note of all time. I mean we've all heard the dog ate my homework excuse but this is taking it to a whole new level. Mom even left 2 phone numbers for me to call if I had any questions, just basically daring me to call her. I almost did just to let her know she's the greatest mom ever.

Did Aretha Just Roll Outta Bed to Sing the National Anthem?

2011-10-12T19:48:00.002-04:00

Jesus girl, put on a pant suit or something. These 80's mom jeans and ballpark giveaway windbreaker just scream welfare line.

Who'd Kevorkian Have To Kill To Get These Seats

2011-10-11T23:57:00.003-04:00

Hell of a week for Dr. Death to come back from the dead. Tigers bumaya!

Doplar Looks Brutal in Arlington

2011-10-09T20:55:00.003-04:00

Thanks a lot Bud Selig. Cause you decided to play Brick Tamland today and postpone the Tigers game until tomorrow I'll get to watch a combined zero minutes of game 2. Totallyfuckinbelievable.

Think I Saw Harrington in Boulder Last Night

2011-10-09T12:29:00.006-04:00

Piano solo. Check.

Polyester leisure suit. Check.

LGBT umbrella in the background. Check.

Yup, it was him.

Anyone Else Bored as Shit Today?

2011-10-09T11:46:00.016-04:00

I honestly don't know what to do with myself today. A fall Sunday without the Lions is about as rare as an Alex Avila post season hit. And now that the Tigers' game just got postponed till tomorrow I need some direction for the rest of the day. Here is a list of things I might try in order to get through the worst Sunday ever.

1 - Get all my Lions Jerseys Dry Cleaned: They're covered in years of beer and various condiments. Good day to wash away all that losing.

2 - Book Club: Been dying to curl up with this one.

3 - Shower. Finally

4 - Get off the Fantasy Football schneid: Despite Jason Hanson and Sebastian Janikowski I'm still a combined 0-8 in my 2 leagues. Who knew you weren't supposed to draft kickers early?

5 - Recycle all the Empty Blaze Orange Camo Busch Cans that have Piled up in the Pantry Since Week 1

6 - Play Beer Die

7 - Go to Mass

8 - Make Love

9 - Get Lions 16-0 Tat

10 - Grab a Camera and go AOL Cruising

11 - Finally Forgive Barry

12 - Pretend the Lions are on and get all sorts of Drunk-Lions-Chick blackout anyway.

13 - Put Celebration on Repeat

14 - Eat the Rest of Last Nights Hot and Ready.

15 - Just Sleep till Monday

Fitzgerald Might've Had a Case on that Whole Facemask Thing

2011-10-08T22:05:00.005-04:00

Pat Fitzgerald just about lost his well educated mind when NW went for it on 4th down inside of Michigan territory midway through the 4th quarter and Jordan Kovacs ripped Persa's helmet clean off. Initially, it seemed like Kovacs just got the qb in an awkward position and took the helmet off with a clean squeeze of the right arm but if you took a long look at the replay it was evident that Kovacs' left hand got a handful of Persa's facemask which should've resulted in a personal foul and a first down.

Would it have really mattered? Probably not, but I've got no issues with Pat blowing his top over it cause that's what separates good coaches from the rest. If you aren't prepared to argue that call then you might as well put on a skirt and grab some pom poms like Joe Pa. Mascot U.

Suh Still Clinging to Hopes of Being Named Lions Place Kicker

2011-10-08T21:02:00.006-04:00

Time to let it go big fella. I mean Hanson is absolutely killing it this year which means you've got about a zero percent chance of getting another shot at an extra point this year. Unless of course he goes down with a serious injury in which case I'm screwed. Jason is easily the best player on my fantasy team. Check out the gong show I'm running out there this week.

PS - Suh is lucky Vanden Bosch didn't rip off his head for making it rain Gatorade all over him. That shit is sticky.

When did "The Most Interesting Man in the World" get a gig with the Eagles?

2011-10-08T21:01:00.002-04:00

When in Rome they do as he does. To bad he's in Phili where they blow 20 point leads.

New slogan... "I don't normally blow 20 point leads, but when I do, I prefer it's against the Lions."

What's the Dileo with Michigan having numbers on their Helmets?

2011-10-08T20:55:00.002-04:00

I know the announcers explained that Michigan players liked the helmets with the numbers they wore against ND so much that Hoke is gonna roll with them the rest of the year but I'm actually not that into it. I think they look great and all but if you start letting Denard and company call the shots we're gonna see Brady Hoke wearing one of these rasta wigs with the dreads before we play Wisconsin.

Is this Matt Millen "Resume" a Joke?

2011-10-08T20:50:00.001-04:00

I about crapped my pants the other day when I flipped on ESPN and saw them flash Matt Millen's resume minus the seven years of pure hell he put Detroit through. It's like applying for a job at a daycare center but leaving off the seven accounts of shaken baby syndrome you were convicted on. Oops! It all comes back to the fact I still can't believe how people associated with the NFL can turn a blind eye to the Millenium of shit that took place in Detroit. You want me to get over it then don't have the balls to put up his "resume" as he's talking cause that's just pouring salt in the wound.

Like I've Always Said, "Speed Kills"

2011-10-08T18:27:00.006-04:00

The NFL lost one of it's most legendary personalities today when Al Davis died at the age of 82. He will surely be missed but anyone who's ever played Madden had to see this coming. Speed kills and we all know it. It's like how you wanna feel bad for smokers when they die of lung cancer but you just can't cause they knew the risks and did it anyway. His draft picks were the equivalent of smoking 3 packs a day.

DeMarcus Van Dyke (CB) - 4.28

Chimdi Chekwa (CB) - 4.38

Denarius Moore (WR) - 4.43

Jacoby Ford (WR) - 4.28

Darrius Heyward-Bey (WR) - 4.3

Louis Murphy (WR) - 4.32

Darren McFadden (RB) - 4.33

Arman Shields (WR) - 4.44

Tyvon Branch (CB) - 4.31

Johnnie Lee Higgins (WR) - 4.48

And that's just the last 5 years.

I Don't Even Know Where to Start

2011-10-08T18:13:00.004-04:00

Based on the number of emails I've received the last few months it's pretty evident that my extended summer vacation is not going over well with the Blueskiers. My abrupt disappearance has elicited cat calls of Bin Laden, Bobby Fisher, and Barry Sanders and I can't say these comparisons were misdirected. But regardless of my past transgressions I can't maintain the silence any longer. Bmase has stepped up in my absence and done a noteworthy job but it's time to give the people of Detroit what they crave.

To anyone with a pulse and a 313 area code it's evident that we're on the cusp of the biggest few weeks in Detroit sports history. We're talking about the Tigers taking the series over the Evil Empire and our Dad's Fathers Day bet of $100 on the Tigers to win the World Series at a 20-1 shot is looking pretty damn good! Dude better buy me a gold plated JoeyBlueSkies jersey if that shit pans out.

We're also talking about the Lions getting off to their best start since 1980 and going into the biggest Monday Night Football game we've ever seen in Detroit! Word is they're gonna break the all time NFL attendance record and after weeks of getting double teamed, I predict Suh finally breaks out with a 2 sack night.

And although it may not seem like it, we're also talking about the Wings kicking off another season which means it's time to put on the white gloves cause another Cup is on it's way.

Now, can you expect me to crank out 10 posts a day like the prized shih tzu at a puppy mill? No. But you can definitely count on weekends full of uncompromising opinion about all that is Detroit and a few weekday posts about anything I feel you need to hear about.

If you're looking for a game recap I suggest you go to the Freep.com cause you aren't gonna get it here. But if you want to find out what true fans are itching to say than this is your place. If you don't agree, I encourage you to tell me about it. If you like it, then tell me about it. Most importantly if you're a fan of JBS and know someone who's into Detroit sports you better toot my horn otherwise you can S my coney dog.

To get things kicked back off I want to just give all BlueSkiers a reminder why I am who I am.

Was listening to a lot of Detroit sports talk radio this week and the one resounding theme amongst all the Lions enthusiasm was that nobody saw this amazing start coming. I beg to differ...

Let me take you back to April 20th 2011, the day this year's NFL schedule came out.

Don't really have much time today cause I'm back in Michigan with the Lady Friend looking for a place to get hitched but thought I'd just let you know that the Lions are going to the playoffs next year. NBD.

Now, normally I'd spend the better part of the summer going through each game and calculating our chances to win but it's not even necessary this year. The football Gods have finally pardoned us following year after year of absolutely brutal schedules. With a win in Dallas there's a chance the Lions could be 4-0 going into the Monday Night game and even 6-0 before they face the Falcons. This is the year to restore the roar! Lions Bumaya!!!

Sept. 11 at Tampa Bay - Win.

Sept. 18 vs. KANSAS CITY - Crapshoot. They're basically us. But still, Win.

Sept. 25 at Minnesota - Do they even have a stadium? Win.

Oct. 2 at Dallas - Suh knocks out Romo. Win.

Oct. 10 vs. CHICAGO (Monday Night Football)- Lions to the Playoffs hype starts. Win.

Oct. 16 vs. SAN FRANCISCO - No QB, Suh stops the run. Win.

Oct. 23 vs. ATLANTA - Ryan exposes a still weak secondary. Loss.

Oct. 30 at Denver - I'll be at this game and I'll be a mile drunk. Win.

Nov. 6 Bye

Nov. 13 at Chicago - Win.dy City blows.

Nov. 20 vs. CAROLINA - Win by 30.

Nov. 24 vs. GREEN BAY (Thanksgiving) Playoff pressure builds. Lions choke. Loss.

Dec. 4 at New Orleans - Drew Brees. Loss.

Dec. 11 vs. MINNESOTA - Win.

Dec. 18 at Oakland - Al Davis takes Usain Bolt in draft. Win.

Dec. 24 vs. SAN DIEGO - Jose sucks. Win.

Jan. 1 at Green Bay - Win if it matters. Loss otherwise.

Give or take a few games, that's basically how our 10+ win season is gonna shake out. Mmmm...draft is only a week or so away folks. You smell that cornbread baking?

Even Little Girls Love the D

2011-10-07T11:20:00.003-04:00

Megatron - You are Dirty!

2011-10-04T11:38:00.004-04:00

This issue is going to get more playing time than the Victoria's Secret catalog my mom kept under the sink in the laundry bathroom. I almost feel bad posting smut like this at work.

Lions 4-0 - POW!!!!!

2011-10-03T14:04:00.003-04:00

Great idea by 971, but some pretty poorous fist pows. How the hell does Stoney get paid to talk about sports (for those who don't know, he's second in the video)? Thats the type of fist pow that gets you beat up in middle school and eating lunch by yourself like your fucking Stephen Glansburg.

Text Time

2011-10-03T13:51:00.002-04:00

"jim schwartz is my tiger."
- Art Reyes III

Verlander for MVP?

2011-09-14T00:32:00.006-04:00

I just don't get it. Who cares about the MVP? Honestly? My guess its the kids who are under 12 and beat their shit to JV and the guys who are over 40 who still beat their shit to JV. This debate has been going on after every Verlander start, and it's as played as the Favre retire/unretire bit. Who cares about an award that has no guidelines for the actual voting. Baseball traditionalists might be my least favorite people on earth. I'm all for removing the home plate umpire, and having the robot from Rocky IV calling balls and strikes.

Rip Hamilton is a Sneaky Fucker

2011-09-14T00:16:00.005-04:00

So close. So fucking close. I think if Bruno Mars doesn't come on the radio, Rip is behind bars right now. That's clearly when he snapped, and he knew it was go time.

Little Bro Gets New Threads

2011-09-13T23:59:00.005-04:00

For everything retarded thing Mark Hollis does (the "situation" being on the sidelines last week), he backs it up with about 6 sweet things. The most recent being the Pro Combats. I'm 50-50 on the actual jerseys, but that doesn't even matter. It's about Michigan State stepping up as the "cool" school in the big ten. Ohio State had a strangle hold on this position the last decade, but MSU is straight backdooring them right now. Dantonio is a great recruiter to begin with, this will just make things unfair.

PS - I can't imagine anyone took my advice on BMOC's Locks, but I would make those same picks again this week. I was right, the games were just wrong Watch out this weekend as I will release my new picks, but with a new name to guarantee success. This new segment will be called Bloc's.

Double PS - I didn't post it because I thought it was common sense, but everyone should of made their money back on the lions. That shit was like stealing alittle kids tricycle (fred mccloud reference, keep up)

BMOCs Locks

2011-09-10T11:00:00.006-04:00

The season is young, but there is something in this Georgia air that is making me pick 66% winners this year. Historically, I am as good at betting as I am in making money, winning fist fights, and holding my liquor. I never realized this until people kept asking me what sites I used to bet. After telling them, their next question would be; How easy is it to get money out? I never had an answer for them, I would just respond with it's really easy to deposit money. That's when it finally clicked.

But this year is different. I'm seeing the ball well out of the pitchers hand, and making good swings. I even nailed that Maryland last minute pick 6 last week to get the cover. So normally I would tell you not to take my advice, but not this year, not today. Don't think just throw.

This is the 3rd time State has played Howard Schnellenbergers Owls in the last 4 years. None of the games have been blowouts, and franky michigan state does not have the offensive explosion to cover 32.5 against the Menominee Maroons. Not wanting to show to much to Notre Dame, Edwin Baker and Larry Caper have big days on the ground, state roles 38-14.

FAU +32.5

Maybe I'm just trying to hedge my bets here and trying to create a win win situation with this game, but I really feel like this is the year Notre Dame takes down Michigan. Reins are too tight on Denard, which makes this offense less effective than it was last year. Notre Dame's defense has come around, and I don't think Rees has ever lost a game he's started. Kelly makes it 4-0 against Hoke head to head. Notre Dame 35 Michigan 24

Notre Dame -3

Just When I Thought Milwaukee Couldn't Get Any Gayer

2011-09-09T17:27:00.003-04:00

Tune in next week when Braun and Prince recreate the final scene of "Requiem of a Dream". To make it relevant for the Milwaukee audience, the dildo will be replaced with the winner of last nights sausage race. And we have a weiner! I mean winner.

Who's Heath Evans?

2011-09-08T12:32:00.005-04:00

I love 2011. What an era to live in. Finally people are held accountable. You want to compare Matthew Stafford to Cam Newton, were just going to trash your wikipedia page. God Bless America!

PS - Click to read

Weekend Recap

2011-09-05T19:08:00.007-04:00

UofM
The rain delay killed me, and I spent most of the second half in and out of a corona/nacho cheese induced comma. From what I did see, this looks to be another long season for Michigan. It's a nice win, and one that you had to have, but if Hoke wants to play that Michigan arrogance card, you need to be rolling MAC teams by 40+. Truthfully, if Hurricane Bo didn't show up, I'm not convinced Michigan wins that game.

MSU
As you read above, I love to over-react. In fact. Eileen ate some of my McChicken when we were coming home from the bar on Saturday, and I tore the shit out of our apartment in rage. Having said that, I'm not going to panic about MSU. Yes I wish we rolled YSU like Wisconsin rolled UNLV. But it's a long season, and they all count one. And with FAU this week, and at Notre Dame the following, a blowout could of led to your classic trap game situation. I'll take a lackluster week 1, knowing that MSU will not make the same mistake twice this week. Lastly, State has best CB tandem in the B10. Both in play and showtimeness.

Lions
Sad to see D-Will finally get cut. And for about 20 hours, we finally didn't have an offensive skill player with the last name of Williams. But then Millen, I mean Mayhew cut Aaron Brown and picked up Keiland Williams. And even better, Williams is going to wear number 34! So now you can hold onto you Smith and Jones jersey's as well. My business plan for jersey replacement name tags is almost complete. In similar news, Pettigrew changed his number from 84 to 87.

Tigers
I might seriously call in sick tomorrow with tiger fever. The best part about it, is that my boss would actually allow it (she has mcfarlene and starting lineup baseball players all over her desk). Even when I mail in a game as a fan, as I did on Saturday, we still get the win. Putting $100 on the tigers to win the World Series at 20/1 might have been the best father days present ever. Dombrowski deserves a lot of credit, and I have been convinced since day 1 that Fister is the number 2 that we need to go deep in the playoffs.

Welcome Back, Welcome Back, JBS is Back

2011-09-05T10:49:00.004-04:00

Over the last 2 months, I've literally had 3 people ask me whats up with Joey Blue Skies. To the naked mind, that might not seem like alot. But when your fan base is 153 people, thats close to 2% of our audience that has no purpose in life right now. Just walking around right now kicking rocks, or sitting out on a pier looking for answer. I can't let those people down, nor can I let my brother down who kept this thing up and running for well over 2 years. Props to a guy who every morning was filled with concerns about who would have to the time to post the morning wood, cause he knows our readers need a little chub with their coffee. And as much as I still enjoy coming to my favorite site, and seeing that same post "I wish Inge Still Had Mono", because it's still relevant this day, it's football season and I got shit to say.

I have yet to run this by Matt, but I am planning on turning JBS into my platform to rant and rave about all that is Lions, MSU, UofM, and even those feisty Eastern Eagles. Yeah, they crushed Howard yesterday, surprised you didn't know that. I'm also taking my game to twitter, @masonbr4, and will be in full force for the tigers game at noon today. Later on this afternoon I will weigh in on the lions 53 man roster, MSU's football game that turned into a cancer/fathers death 3 hour special, and Brady Hoke's stranglehold on wet tshirt title in college sports.

BMOC out.

I Wish Inge Still Had Mono

2011-07-17T14:28:00.004-04:00

The guy is absolute trash and any Tigers fan who still defends him is a bigger clown than he is. You see those last two K's against Humber? Looked like a high school kid trying to hit a major leaguer. So fricken pathetic. And people can chill out with the whole best defensive 3rd baseman in the American League argument. Just getting to a ball doesn't make you a good third baseman, you gotta actually make the throw too. He's already pulled Cabrera off the bag twice in this one. I'd seriously rather have a 56 year old Ozzie Smith in the lineup everyday. You'd get the same offensive production and avoid the 20+ errors a season.

Headed out for some Bluegrass and Adult Beverages

2011-07-12T17:59:00.002-04:00

Enjoy your night.

Pure Michigan vs Pure Michigan State

2011-07-12T16:45:00.003-04:00

Sometimes people make this too easy.

Random Observation - My Dog Sits Like A Moron

2011-07-12T16:09:00.002-04:00

Send your random observations to lamborghiniliving@gmail.com

Worst T-Shirt of All Time

2011-07-12T15:37:00.002-04:00

This guy probably doesn't really want my advice considering I got murdered in the t-shirt game (email lamborghiniliving@gmail.com to buy your Jim Joyce shirts now!) but I think this should've read...

"Lebron ain't no king cause Kobe got away with that rape thing."

Pure Michigan

2011-07-12T15:23:00.002-04:00

Bottom line, aluminum canoes ARE Michigan.

PS - Think the registration on that far one is up.

Thanks to K-Kark and Ash for the pic.

Would You...?

2011-07-12T14:53:00.004-04:00

"Would you...?" is a segment that forces you, the Blueskiers, to dig deep down and look within yourselves to pull out the truth.

Today's "Would You...?" question is...

Would you get this tattoo of Ernie Harwell if it was free and you could pick the location on your body?

As sweet as this tat is, I still predict we end up roughly around 50-50 when it's all said and done.

Personally I'd get it cause I already have one tat and what's one more, especially a badass portrait of Ernie like this. Although if I'm being honest I'd get a Mickey Redmond portrait way before I ever got Ernie done.

Jmase just said no, so there you go with my 50-50 theory.

In More "What the Hell Happened to Michigan on this Map" News

2011-07-12T13:35:00.004-04:00

Here's the thing about being from Michigan. Throughout the course of any normal day you're gonna be expected to explain to at least one random person just exactly where you are from in Michigan. Might be cause they used to live in Michigan, they went to college there, or maybe they just heard of it once in a Gordon Lightfoot song, but either way you're gonna have to bust out your hand and give people what they want.

But what I don't understand is how a state with such a distinct and recognizable shape can get straight up butchered on national maps. I mean this isn't the first time this has happened. We're talking about a continued pattern of blatant disrespect here. Not to mention these are fricken computer generated maps. We've got computers that can fly planes from thousands of miles away but don't ask one to draw a map of Michigan, shit will crash instantly.

Whatever, it is what it is I guess, but if they're trying to get us to secede so the national unemployment rate goes down then I'm all for it. Don't wanna be part of a group that would allow Ohio to be a member anyway.

The Party Pool at Chase Field is Absolutely the Only Reason to Attend a Home Run Derby

2011-07-12T00:13:00.007-04:00

Easily the worst sports day of the year. I mean the dog days of summer are rough enough without having to listen to Chris Berman come up with 600 adjectives to describe how some roided up monster launched, jacked, hammered, roped, destroyed, tattooed, crushed, skyed, murdered, smashed, or donkey kong'd a ball into the upper deck.

Yup, only way they'll ever get me to attend a second of All-Star weekend is if my ticket comes with a snorkel and a margarita.

PS - No idea who won cause I started watching The River Wild after Big Papi blamed his music for not being able to hit.

What's Up with JP Wearing an Olde English E Hat?

2011-07-11T23:56:00.002-04:00

Jeez, I leave for a few weeks and Detroit completely goes to hell. Get it together folks.

T-Higs Just Took the Pure Michigan Contest to a New Level

2011-07-11T21:54:00.004-04:00

Just when you thought T-Higs couldn't be any worse, he goes and does something like this...and totally redeems himself.

PS - I'd murder someone for a Colonel K's pastie right now.

Pure Detroit

2011-07-11T14:52:00.007-04:00

Not a bad Detroit tat but I've always said that if I'm gonna go ahead and get the Olde English D on my body that I'll go the whole 9 yards and get Cecil Fielder's entire jersey done. Olde English D on the front left chest and name and number on back. Probably get free McDonalds for life.

Pure Red Stag

2011-07-11T14:34:00.002-04:00

Looks like Kid Rock's Red Stag Whiskey is getting in the Jagger Bomb game with these cooler dispensers. And man let me tell you, if they are count me in.

Red Stag bomb! Fricken, Red Stag bomb! Red Stag bomb! Fricken shower in that shit!

Is This Really Steven Tyler's Body?

2011-07-11T14:23:00.003-04:00

When did Steven Tyler turn into an Aboriginal woman?

More Kids on Leashes

2011-07-11T13:38:00.002-04:00

I thought hippies were supposed to be free thinkers that allowed their offspring to explore the world at their leisure? Putting your kid on a leash seems to me like the exact opposite of that philosophy. Not to mention this kid is way more likely to get f'd up living in that 6ft radius of endless hash smoke his parents are coughing up than if they just cut him loose at the Telluride Bluegrass festival.

Pure Michigan Interior Decorating

2011-07-11T12:42:00.004-04:00

Been a long few weeks getting settled in Colorado but don't think I'm sleeping on our Pure Michigan campaign. I've had photos rolling in lately and will keep sending them your way. This one comes from DReick and is as pure as a living room can get. Especially love the canoe bookshelf. If it were up to me I'd shape my entire house like a canoe.

Summer Vacation Has Commenced

2011-06-28T14:00:00.002-04:00

As I'm sure you've noticed, not a lot of posts coming outta jbs lately. Been finishing up with school and now I'm packing up the life and heading West. The Lady Friend, Lucy Bones, and I should be getting into Denver late Friday night so probably won't be around till sometime next week. Enjoy the summer and follow JoeyBlueSkies on Twitter for trip updates.

Go Tigers!

Drink, Don't Drive. Do the Watermelon Crawl.

2011-06-20T15:48:00.002-04:00

EMBED-Watermelon Face Smash - Watch more free videos

I think this guy is taking Tracy Bird a little too literal.

Guy on Some Auction Hunting Show Basically has the Same Tattoo as Me

2011-06-20T15:39:00.002-04:00

Was watching one of the 200 reality shows about auction hunting and saw this dude flash some ink that looked eerily similar to mine. Totallyfuckinbelievable. I guess it's time to get a butter knife and start scraping.

Rainn Wilson Feels the Wrath of Detroit After Twitter Remarks

2011-06-20T15:08:00.000-04:00

(WXYZ) - Actor Rainn Wilson has touched off a minor firestorm on Twitter over a tweet he posted on the reaction of some Vancouver Canucks fans to their team's loss in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals. The loss touched off riots in the Canadian city, with 150 people needing treatment at the hospital and another 100 being arrested.

In response to the riots, Wilson posted "Vancouver is now the Detroit of Canada." on his Twitter account .

The response to that tweet was such that Wilson felt the need to respond to it two hours later with "Wow, I pissed off a lot of Vancouverites and Detroit folk. In penance I'm going to tip over my Prius and set fire to it." Wilson further responded later Thursday with another tweet saying "Man, I have a new-found respect for Detroit after the angry shellacking Ive taken from my crack this AM. U guys sure rally to yr city!"

Vancouver wishes they had 11 cups. Eat a dick Rainn.

Jackass Dies In Fiery Car Crash

2011-06-20T13:11:00.004-04:00

Surprised Ryan Dunn got taken down my something as normal as a car crash. Figured he would've probably gotten tetanus from having his butt cheeks pierced together or something.

Good night, sweet jackass.

John Wall Throws Out First Pitch

2011-06-20T10:29:00.002-04:00

Why would you ever agree to do this when you've got an arm like Smalls from the Sandlot? Good thing I'm around to give some advice.

JBS: Man, this is baseball. You gotta stop thinking. Just have fun. I mean, if you were having fun you would've made that throw. You ever have a paper route?

John Wall: I helped a guy once.

JBS: Okay, well chuck it like you throw paper. When your arm gets here, just let go. Just let go, it's that easy.

John Wall: How do I catch it?

JBS: Just stand there and stick your glove out in the air. I'll take care of it.

There we go. Problem solved.

Morning Wood with Candace Swanepoel

2011-06-20T09:56:00.001-04:00

Little video action of Candace to get you going this morning.

Pure Michigan

2011-06-19T22:53:00.003-04:00

Probably gonna get crucified for saying this but Coney Dogs are gross as shit. Now I can't speak from experience cause I've never actually had a real Detroit Coney due to my phobia of mustard but I have this general rule about not eating anything that looks like baby diarrhea.

This pic is from the Freep so it's not part of the contest. I just couldn't resist.

Old Chick Steals Foul Ball from Young Chick

2011-06-17T19:04:00.005-04:00

I'm sure most people expect me to rip this Kris Jenner wannabe apart but I'm not gonna. After watching this little girl walk up those steps completely defeated there's just no way I can defend her. You roll over faster than my pit bull Lucy looking for a belly rub and you're destined for one thing in life. Marrying into the Millen family. Good luck with that.

Shane Victorino Needs to Stop Crowding the Plate

2011-06-17T19:01:00.006-04:00

This is why I love baseball. If a guy gets a little to close to the plate then you just go ahead and plunk him. Done and done. Pitcher if possible, catcher just as good.

This actually brings me back to when I was in little league and catching for Ansel. We were playing Angeli's and any time they got a guy on second base they'd try and steal third by having the right-handed batter not step out of the batters box and consequentially block the path of my throw to third base. It happened once and I let it go. Then another fuck did it and I started to realize it was intentional. If there was gonna be a third time I decided I was gonna do something about it.

Two innings later they had another guy on second and I got nice and ready for the throw. Right on cue the guy took off and sure as shit the batter didn't move an inch so I wound up and threw a laser as hard as I could right off his temple. Kid hit the deck screaming in pain and I went apeshit on the umpire screaming about batter interference and how the runner should be out. I didn't get the call even though I thought I had a sweet rapport with the umpiring crew. I guess they didn't respected the Tony Pena catching stance I used to go with as much as I thought. Still, it's one of the best decisions I've ever made during a sporting event.

PS - Victorino is lucky he went with that pussy batting helmet with ear protection on both sides.

Free Money Friday's

2011-06-17T17:30:00.010-04:00

It's been a pretty shitty Friday. It's raining outside, Wendy's has settled in, and Valenti is out for the 2nd straight day on Valenti and Foster. But just as I was about to go hide out in the shitter for the rest of the work day, Vegas throws me a bone. Wings going off at 12/1???

12 to 1 are the odds of me having sex with a girl, and her actually enjoying it.

Here's a tip, get real liquored up tonight (i'm talking motay kind of drunk), and put down $100 on the wings to win it. Chances are you won't remember in the morning, and come next June, you'll be making it rain at Leggs of Ypsilanti.

PS - You really want to be against this? Yeah, and go say bogey bogey bogey to a pitbull while your at it.

Pure Michigan circa 1980

2011-06-17T16:03:00.004-04:00

I was born in the wrong era. Absolutely no doubt about it. Fuckin fishing trips on the Cheybogan, mustaches, brewskis, bbq tongs, it doesn't get any more Pure Michigan than this.

PS - Don't think I'm sleeping on those tube socks either. Love me some tube socks.

Thanks to Frequent-Flyer-BlueSkier Ryan for the pic of his dad and 3 buddies. I gotta know though, which one is your pops? My money is on the guy in red who looks like he just came from a softball game.

Vancouver Loses Cup and Goes from City of Glass to City of Glass Jaws

2011-06-17T15:36:00.005-04:00

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. You gotta keep your head on a swivel in these situations. I mean if you saw what Aaron Rome did to Horton when he put his head down then you had to expect this. Except him being on his cell phone. Didn't see that coming at all.

Just Another One of Those Classic "My Legs Don't Work but My Vagina Ain't Handicapped" Kind of Songs

2011-06-17T15:25:00.003-04:00

Didn't laugh once during this whole thing. It's not that I'm some super special, morally superior being, far from it actually. It's just that I'm not even sure if it's funny. Like, the premise is kinda ironic. She's handicapped but her vagina ain't. I get that, but the rest just kinda made me uncomfortable. I really hope she gets fame and fortune or Mini-Me's dick or whatever it is that she wants outta this.

PS - I've seen a lot of spinals people, and this chick's a fake, a fucking gold breaker! Yah, she walks. I've never been more certain of anything in my life.

Canuts Fan Gets Bag-Tagged by Road Flare

2011-06-17T13:51:00.005-04:00

Vancouver fans once again decided that if you can't beat 'em, then burn your city to the ground. Reports now coming out indicate that roughly 140 people were injured as Canuck fans took to the streets and burned police cars, destroyed storefronts, and caused massive disruptions after their game 7 loss to the Boston Bruins. As of now only one man has reported having his genitals incinerated off.

Personally, I've never got looting after a defeat. It doesn't make any sense to me. Why would anyone destroy their own shit on purpose? I can maybe see getting behind it if you're the road team in some crappy city like Columbus where you'd basically be doing them a favor, but there's no sense in losing a title and then having to wake up the next morning and flip your car back over so you can get to work. That's fricken senseless.

We Got A Situation

2011-06-17T09:56:00.011-04:00

How do you go from being one of the most respected, innovative AD's in the country, to using jersey shore to try to sell tickets via twitter. What up Mark, was Taylor Hicks already booked? Just like his awful logo change about 2 years ago, I imagine their will be a big enough fan backlash, that this will get shut down pretty quick. Did he not see the sitch flop on comedy central?

Hmmm, but that got me thinking. This could work at the Breslin Center. All of those dorks up in the izzone have never gotten laid, Snooki could go off.

Pure Freedom

2011-06-14T15:47:00.004-04:00

If the bed of the truck was filled to the brim with pasties then I think we'd have a winner. As its not, the contest is still on.

Thanks to MandyJ for the pic.

A.O.L. is Back with a New Formula and a Puffy Shirt

2011-06-14T15:36:00.001-04:00

Oh, glory to God in the highest! Hallelujah! The hot weather is back and that means so are the asses on location.

I snagged this one the other day on accident as I was just really trying to get a shot of this awesome Seinfeld puffy shirt I saw on the subway. Not my fault she just so happened to have a well manicured backyard.

Pic Score - 8.2
You gotta give it up for the fact that I got two shots and that I incorporated a classic Seinfeld theme.

Ass Score - NA
I've decided I'm out of the ass scoring business. I mean don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the AOL. It's honestly one of the main things that brings me and the readers together. But I got to a point somewhere around the 4th dozen ass when I basically ran outta words for ass and now I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels. So I've come up with a new formula.

New Formula -
Just like always, you take the AOL's and send them in. This time include either a funny anecdote about the situation or a straight up pic/ass combo score outta 20 like we did in the past. So essentially it's the same formula with just you doing the work.

PS - If I feel like my two cents is needed then I'll chime in. Like for example if someone sent me this puffy shirt AOL I would conclude it with this...

Lebron is Awesome at Making Friends

2011-06-14T11:13:00.004-04:00

And yeah Lebron, you'll still wake up tomorrow a pompous asshole.

Morning Wood with Carly Foulkes

2011-06-14T10:59:00.002-04:00

Carly. Maybe the only reason to get T-Mobile.

Kid Buckles Under the Pressure Worse than "Boom Goes the Dynamite"

2011-06-13T23:44:00.005-04:00

Yell Joeyblueskies.com or something dude.

Pure Comerica

2011-06-13T23:26:00.005-04:00

I sat in roughly the same seats last time I was at a game. Deep right field is where the party at. Thanks to Pdiddy, Magandcheese, and Big Kat.

Bet Suh Could Get Through That Glass

2011-06-13T23:07:00.003-04:00

Unless Jay Cutler and all the other NFC North QBs install one of these unbreakable glass walls in front of them this upcoming year they're fucked. Suh and Fairley gonna eat your children.

Pure U.P.

2011-06-13T22:51:00.003-04:00

From Jhof up in the Keweenaw. That's God's Country to the layperson.

DeShawn Stevenson Has A Question for Lebron

2011-06-13T21:58:00.006-04:00

Good line. I'm using this the next time Andy Dirks hits a jack. Which may be never.

Fuckin Sox Fans

2011-06-13T21:42:00.004-04:00

Huge boobs and being dumb as rocks. Only thing Sox fans are good for.

Orangutan Saves Baby Bird

2011-06-13T21:01:00.007-04:00

This orangutan is nicer than half the people I know. Nobody helps each other out anymore. This has to just be a product of boredom from being trapped in that cage for the last 30 years of his life. Gotta do something to pass the time between jerk off sessions.

Technical Difficulties at JBS Headquarters

2011-06-13T11:13:00.002-04:00

I submitted a ticket, just waiting for the IT guy to give me a call......